When it comes to children, youth and their families, I am
teacher, mentor, advocate, counselor, therapist, social worker, and friend.
I've sat this bench for
nearly 20 years and counting.
I have listened and I have learned. A lot.
Over the years,
I've supported families through depression, anxiety, bullying, trauma, academic problems, and faith journeys.
I've counseled families whose children have gotten
pregnant, been diagnosed with a STI, or learned their child is HIV positive.
I
have sat with families whose children have committed suicide - or “just”
attempted.
I have filed countless reports with Children’s Protective Services
and walked families through the turmoil that rains down thereafter.
I have supported families whose children
have overdosed or been victims of gun violence.
I have seen a lot.
I know I have not seen it all
but I feel confident I've seen close to the full spectrum of youth complexities.
I am also a mom of a pre-teen and every
moment of my waking life {and many of those in which I am asleep} I worry about
the topics and decisions my child(ren) will need to navigate in the coming
years.
Which is why, when a recent blog post about a mother’s
reaction to a sign posted at her daughter’s pediatrician's office blitzed my social
network feed {and I followed the subsequent posts/comments/ media storm}
I feel deeply compelled to write this:
Intentionally creating the time for youth to speak privately with a
health care provider
{about such topics as mental health, sex, sexual health, and
physical health}
is essential to promoting the health and well-being of our
children.
It has become law because
these exact topics represent the health risk behaviors that
contribute to the leading causes of death, disability, and social problems of
our youth in the United States. {
CDC}
In fact:
- In 2010, the last year data were published, there were over
1600 youth suicides. 40% of those
deaths were at the hand of firearms.
Firearm deaths are the most common method of suicide – across gender,
age, and ethnicity/race.
- A recent article in the Mayo Clinic Proceedings (2011)
report that over 40% of those who committed suicide saw a primary care
physician in within the preceding month.
- 1 out of every 7 students (13.8 percent) report having
seriously considered attempting suicide in the preceding months.
- The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA) published a
youth suicide prevention toolkit for schools in which they report that, while
youth often talk about suicide with their peers, <25% of peer confidants
tell an adult.
- A national survey (YRBS) of public and private high school youth
reveal 47.4% of youth report they have ever had sexual intercourse and 6.2% of
those students indicate they had intercourse before 13 years of age.
Despite your best efforts and despite the quality of relationship you have with your children,
these are the realities facing our children EVERY. DAY. EVERY. YEAR.
I do not intend to say parents should relinquish their rights related to their child's health.
but I do advocate for parents to
do your best to
develop honest, open, caring relationships with your children
{relationships
that promote and encourage healthy connections with other adults}
and
consider that state and
federal policy is not designed to undermine your profound role and impact on your
children. It is not intended to pre-accuse parents and families of abuse.
Rather, it IS intended {most times} to provide a safety net for one of our
society’s most vulnerable populations.
Youth resilience research indicates that strong/positive
attachment and parental relationships and positive attachment relationships with
adults within the community act as protective factors for youth. As parents, we have
an obligation to provide our children with as many opportunities to build safe
and appropriate relationships with other adults so our children may have as
many avenues as possible to receive education, to check in, to request
mirroring and reflection, to blunder, to ask questions, and to succeed.
I challenge parents to consider health care providers as
allies in the journey of keeping your children healthy and safe.
Being open to your child meeting privately with their health care provider {if your child chooses} is for their protection and it is their right.
Providing an opportunity for a trained
provider to screen your child for health risk behaviors and associated concerns
IS in your child’s best interest…and yours.
Educate yourselves. Be proactive and less reactive.
Be your child’s parent, partner, and collaborator in this
process of becoming a young adult.
It's not easy and if we demand our rights over theirs at all turns, we
make it all the more difficult for them.
