today i am thankful

for family

for the times when we feel aligned

for the times when we feel out of sorts

for the ways in which we keep coming back

to be in each others' presence

a fine line

abuse cases are difficult for me.

first, because the scenarios are often horrible.

second, because i struggle with how to respond when talking with colleagues

"around the water cooler."

for instance, we recently had a case where the alleged acts of parental abuse were egregious.

{truly truly  horrifying}

all night and into the days to come, 

people were incredulous about how this parent "could do such terrible things to a child?!? "

i heard lots of "i would never..." 

and variations on how even the death penalty would be too lenient in this situation. 

we had lots of judgment to throw around.

{and i get those sentiments}
i, like my colleagues, felt sick to my stomach.
to imagine what this child had endured in its short life.
indelible marks.
an inescapable narrative.

but i also found myself countering with:

it is not our job to judge; we don't know all the facts

reminders that parents are often driven to a place beyond the reach of their right mind

and sometimes it doesn't seem to take much of a push

{and sometimes, i think} 

it is but for grace that any of us parents are able to 

stay within the the bounds of a right mind

i do not excuse the abuse.

i do not condone the actions of one who abuses.

but i am sympathetic to the moments a parent faces 

when it takes all the protective resources one has in their life

{and then some}

  to rail against the wall of risks, depravity, and insecurity

and to

rise above the demons of our personal narrative