my first wedding

"Ever married two dudes before?" they asked as we sat down to plan the ceremony.

"Nope," I replied, refraining from disclosing further that I hadn't actually married anyone before.

"Well, it is an honor that you are willing to officiate our wedding."

{the honor is all mine, I think}

Today was their wedding.

The grooms were nervous and giddy as the guests arrived.

{i felt nervous as the guests arrived}

Officiating a wedding is kind of a big deal. Officiating a gay wedding feels like a really big deal.

I had spent a long time on the ceremony - getting the language right.

The couple had written their vows but did not have strong preferences on the other elements of the ceremony.

I suggested a reading from Plato. They loved it.

The guests arrived from near and far.
They gathered together just beyond the altar upon music's cue.
They whispered oohs and aahs during the processional.

The guests said "we will" when charged with supporting the couple in their marriage.

And they cried during the readings and the vows.

Everyone held their breath when I pronounced the couple as

Mister & Mister.

{no one knew I had been practicing that line all week - worried I would get it wrong}

I wish there was a way to capture the feeling of that moment when the grooms turned 

to face the guests, presented for the first time as a married couple.  

That one moment was so full of joy and affection for them.

As if they were being embraced from the outside in.

Congratulations you two!

May your joys be many and your sorrows few!

As I watched them recess back down the aisle as husbands
 -  ready to party with their family, friends, and co-workers -

It didn't feel like my first wedding.

All that worry

All those nerves

And in the end, I felt right at home.

intimidating quiet

this morning is the first in months that i am home. alone. 

without children or spouse. without a looming deadline. without a trip to plan. 

the quiet is intimidating.

i had my usual morning phone check-in with my partner.

he thought if i was in a 3-pane comic strip, my character would take a nap.

 it made me feel a little embarrassed

because that is exactly what i felt like doing...taking a nap.

but unlike the comic strip, he said, my nap would be well-deserved.

nice save. 

sort of.

 he is right, a nap would likely be legit

{this past week, for a lot of reasons, has not been stellar for sleeping}

but if i am honest with myself, 

a nap = a strategy to avoid confrontation with reality.

the quiet is intimidating 

because it demands i be present in reality.

so this morning i am going to take reality at MY pace.

i am going to sit, intimidated, for a moment

{let it wash over me}

and then i am going to take reality on

one thing at a time

until it is nap time.