slowing it down

all my life i have taken comfort in the phrase "life is busy"

as though busy is something to be proud of

i mean, busy makes sense to me &

busy feels valuable and so

busy somehow became my antidote to boredom.

{you know that evil state-of-being from childhood}   

for better and worse, i have carried that value into my family life.

  

this summer"life is busy" started to feel like an albatross

something to be ashamed of

busy started to leave me feeling creaky in the mornings

busy began to feel like a sentence, less of a choice

busy left me feeling vulnerable

sure,

 i get lots done

{but there always seems to be a mountain of "to-do" left in its wake}

 we have fun in the moment 

{but the energy output often feels disproportionate to the the enjoyment derived}

i feel greater connection to the world around us

{but i've been feeling less connected to the "we" of my little family} 

so,

my husband and i decided to slow it down 

to be more intentional about how we spend our time and about our decisions for activities.

 and honestly, the result has been a mixed bag:

we cannot get away from some obligations to be busy 

{reality of working}

some folks reflect their disappointment

{"no" is hard} 

the requests and demands seem to be increasing as the littles get older.

but 

our boys don't seem to mind the added unfettered play time

we have time now in our "routine" to do things like read books together every night

or spend an afternoon pretending to be puppies

my husband and i get to eat dinner and talk and watch a show or listen to a podcast together after the boys go to bed instead of having to figure out a way to do those things all at once.

i don't creak as much in the morning when i wake up

i get to cook more and bake more

and we have been able to schedule regular massages with my dad instead of going from crisis to crisis

{it has only taken 6 years}

i have time to write a couple of letters

and sometimes 

i just sit with nothing to do

we talk more and rush less.

and

this season feels good.