life is sweet

i am standing atop a boulder, overlooking the cool river rippling below and watching activity on the opposite shore.  i am preparing to jump - i feel trepidation and confidence. feelings that reflect my experience in real-time and the general feelings of my inner mind. 

this, my last day of summer, is one dedicated to reflection, despite myself.

in a couple of weeks i will close out an era.

it means little to most people i encounter but it has BIG meaning to me.

the culmination of 8 years of instability and countless hurdles, more school, long hours, loads of debt, and lots of tears.  

yes, in a couple of weeks i will submit my application for a full social work license and will have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

i am not sure what the light will bring as i forge into the season ahead.  

standing above the water, i can't help but recall  a conversation with my parents a couple of years ago when i was really struggling with the implications of turning down an offer for full-time employment in order to continue working 3 part-time jobs, with an odd and unpredictable schedule.  they know my decisions have caused me angst but their encouragement that day was this: savor this time. 

set a long-range goal and then stay present in the moment.

{also knowing that is a tall order for this gal}

remember that our present circumstance is my choice made up of a series of decisions we established

after weighing the options and identifying what is best for me and for our little family.

the journey here has not been easy or ideal {though i recognize it might look like it to some}.

i feel confident in the decision to work hard at the opportunities availed to me.

i feel proud of staying present {mostly} and being able to hold steady. 

in this time, i have had the luxury of the both:and -

finding viable employment in which i experience meaning and joy and overall fulfillment and

being able to stay at home many days with our kids.

my work schedule is flexible enough to take long road trips, join field trips, be a secret reader, sit alone in a hammock and/or just take time away. 

i feel blessed

and

as i get closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, 

i feel reassured that this was the right journey for me - for us. 

looking ahead my palms sweat with familiar trepidation in the face of the unknown but i am savoring how i feel in this moment: abundantly thankful {and relieved}.