feeling heavy

  Today has been heavy.   

My heart feels broken and my soul feels raw.

I was almost in tears as I drove our kids to school today.

We listened to radio reports of riots and protests.

I felt the outrage and the futility and the sadness and the anger.

I wanted to loot and set things on fire.  Not an appropriate response but a valid one;

Anything to communicate how I felt inside.

I was almost in tears as I started class today.  

 I was not the only one.

We processed the news of a fellow student’s death.

We learned how to treat survivors of childhood trauma.

We discussed stigma and prejudice.   

Today has been heavy;

Like the fullness of injustice and pain and suffering is resting in my soul.

I was almost in tears as I met with my students for coffee after class today.

We discussed social justice and systemic racism.

We discussed poverty and oppression and privilege.

We discussed what it means to be an ally and advocate. 

The conversation was heavy but I am so thankful for the space and time to have it.

I was almost in tears at dinner today.

I was disappointed when our oldest reported he hadn’t talked race at all during school

But relieved to hear he’s been thinking about our morning's discussion of moderating strong emotions.

Our youngest declared his “bestest friends have brown skin and white skin and all the colors of skin”

But I don’t think he even really understands the significance yet.

This realization is heavy because I know

Neither of our boys will likely ever be on the receiving end of the bias and fear and –ism’s that permeate our culture. 

 

I was almost in tears all day today.

My heart feels broken and my soul feels raw

As I grapple with the realities of my privilege.