NPR makes life complicated

 Sometimes listening to NPR in the car with children makes life more complicated.

Like this week when the coverage lingers over 

a white man killing a black teenager in a hoodie 

and the 

national debate over health care.

I mean, really - how do you respond to these questions and considerations?

"Why are some people afraid of black people?"

"I have health insurance, right? Will judges take that away?"

 

"Do you think if we live a little longer and get farther from the civil rights era that we might start to feel more even about black people and white people?"

"Do you sometimes make decisions about whether to buy groceries or to buy health insurance?" 

"I wear hoodies...do you think it makes people afraid of me...will someone accidentally shoot me?"

"You know, it would be okay if the government told me to eat broccoli...I eat it all the time anyway." 

"I hope those families will be okay...it would be so sad to have your son shot and dead...you would be sad if someone shot me, wouldn't you?"

This week I have talked about more about 

{racism and prejudice}{equality and basic human rights}{the role of government and the Supreme Court} 

{what makes me nervous about this next election} 

with my 8 year-old than I have with my friends or family.  

His questions and considerations have required me to don my most thoughtful hats and offer responses that are as objective as possible in an attempt to provide the best platform for him to manage his own conclusions. 

It is difficult and complicated.  

I would love for him to espouse what I believe and yet, 

I remain fervent in my goal to be a parent who is able to offer our kids the:

Most complete information I can about the world around them  

{and}

Space to consider that information within their developmental framework  

{and}

Opportunity to reflect back what they are hearing or putting together  

{and}

Flexibility to consider perspectives outside one's comfort zone  

{and}

Encouragement to wade into the gray matter 

{because}

 

Life is not so black and white.

No matter how much we might wish {or pretend} it is so.

And the future of our nation depends on our ability to think critically 

 {about} 

the issues that reside in the space between the black and white.

{gray}

death sucks

My conclusion after working last week was this:

Death sucks.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool.

Death does not make sense.

Except sometimes.

But mostly not.

And, no matter what we tell ourselves,  God does not make it "all better."

We do take comfort in putting God in the middle of death.

We believe in a narrative that God has a plan.

We believe that God will provide us patience and courage.

We believe that God will be with us in our mourning and our grief.

And sometimes it feels like all those things are true.

And sometimes it feels like our belief is myth.

but
Belief is important.

Faith in the power and presence of a god gets us through.

However, at the end of the day -

death {still} sucks

because we {still} have a hole where someone used to be.

a story about the christmas where we almost got divorced

Over the holidays I twice referred to "the Christmas where we almost got divorced."

Once at a gathering with college friends.

And once with my little sister

One reference was met with silence.

And the other with an outright request not to admit there was ever such a year.

But there was.

{It was, ostensibly, over a blue terrycloth robe and a tin of Piroulines}

That year we encountered a lot of transition.

That year was very difficult and we did not cope well.

so

That year almost ended our marriage.

I remember a friend talking, with disdain, that year about friends who really have only negative things to report. It made me self conscious because my life felt like it was only full of negativity and I worried she was talking about me. 
I became very careful with how truthful I was with friends. 

I had a couple of friends who were okay sitting with me on the "life is hard" bench but for the most part, folks wanted to hear that we were doing well and adjusting well to the transition.
It was difficult to share how hard it was. It was difficult to see beyond the moment.  It was lonely. 

It was isolating .

This year I realized we have come a long ways.

We looked despair in the face and figured a way through its depths.

And we can laugh about "that Christmas..."

But I also realize how important it is to be open to listening to and being there for friends (and others) in the midst of despair and uncertainty.  Life is full of shit and sunshine; it is important to be present and encouraging to each other - even when it seems like there is only negativity to report.

today is a day for rest

last week i spent some days away with our eldest kiddo.

he is eight and full of energy...always moving.

we had just been up until the wee hours of the morning traveling to our destination and had some full days ahead of us.

he was intent on swimming the afternoon away but i told him:

today is a day for rest.

he asked why 

and

he told me his rationale for why rest wasn't necessary 

{so typical}

then after tackling the pool for a while, he proceeded to pull a chaise next to mine

lie down

cover himself with towels

 and 

{unmoving},

he slept.

sometimes, 

in midst of the going and the doing,

we still need a day for rest.

for going slower than usual

for taking time to be still

for taking time to just be. 

when was the last time you had one of these days?

 if it has been a while, i challenge you to put one {or 1/2 of one} on your agenda before the end of the month.