good enough parent confession #3

there exists a phenomenon in our household.

i call it the mommy pile-on.

as in, whenever i am sitting, lying, or otherwise still, i have two little bodies trying to pile on top of me.  

this happens inside, outside, in a car, in a hammock, in a bed, on a bike, on the couch - 

you name it, they pile. 

as you know from my first confession, there is a part of me that treasures this.  

however, it is tough to provide single-minded attention to anyone when the affections are piled on.

out from under the little arms and legs, i see my husband standing at the periphery.  

his stance tentative, his view discerning - is this the time to join the pile or leave us bonding alone.

  "is there room for me?" he asks.

{the kids love to smother me in triplicate}

and this is fun.  it provides great validation. and meets a very deep need i have to be close.

but it has replaced a significant portion of time i would otherwise spend resting alone or entwined with my husband.  and sometimes, i miss that time.

 

every now and again, i decide i want my husband all to myself.

i curl up into his lap and as the littles descend toward us, i put my hand out to stop them.

"nope, this is my time with daddy', i say. "you are not invited."

last time i did this, they stood on the periphery and watched. a little dejected.  "it's not fair," they whine.

{add this to the list of reasons they will need therapy one day}

 "well, i fell in love with daddy first and sometimes i need that reminder."

a part of me feels bad about turning their affections away but

a part of me finds reassurance that i still need {& want} to choose my husband.

 

confession number three:

sometimes i reject my children's advances.

{outright}

in favor of being close with my husband. 

{first 2 photos are courtesy of www.margaretclairephotography.com}