i love you but i don't like you

{i love you but i don't like you}

is one of the most revolutionary phrases in my marriage.

admittedly, I am a smidge of a hothead.

i don't like to have to say something disingenuous in order to make someone feel better. 

when in the midst of an argument, sometimes i need some more time to be mad 

but my spouse needs permission to reduce his attentiveness to the task of trying to "fix it." 

"is there anything I can do...?" he asks

{nope, I just need to not like you for a little while longer}

it is genuine.

it is not forever.

it is the best I can do.

How about you?

thou shalt not steal

i once stole a post-it pad from a printer shop.

it was an honest steal

{the nearby sign said "take one"}

but when my mother asked where i got it, her tone made me feel like i had done something wrong.

so i lied.

i told her i got it from a friend and when she called to check it out with said friend, i might have said i won it as a prize...

well, it is no surprise my lies were uncovered; my mother took me back to the print shop to reconcile.

the owner accepted my apology and the money i gathered from my red patent leather wallet.

then he got down on a knee, looked me in the eyes and said:

you see that building over there?

that is a juvenile detention facility {blah blah blah blah}...that is where you will go if you steal again.

nod. gulp. 

{breathe, daphne, breathe}

his words were not the whole truth but something about the interaction stuck with me.

i can't say with confidence that i never stole or lied or broke any rules/laws from that day forward.

though, with confidence, i can say each time i am confronted with a decision that might maybe come close to doing "wrong," my heart pounds and i get a lump in my throat reminiscent of that day.  

i don't agree with the owner's tactic {shame is never good for anyone} but there was a lesson in there...

three words

the thing about tragedies is they're unexpected.

and i have seen my fair share this year.

being present with people in those moments has changed the way i do things

{above and beyond the always-wear-clean-cute-underwear-when-venturing-out-of-the-house}

no matter my state of mind

no matter my level of cranky

no matter the flurry of activity we are engaged in at the time

i work hard to say:

i love you

before i leave the house

before getting off the phone

before walking away.

no regrets.

no take-backs.

no questions.

bargain hunting

The Costco magazine often offers a recipe so before I recycle it, I flip through the pages. 

This month my eyes wandered to an article featuring an interview with Clark Howard related to his most recent publication Living Large in Lean Times.  I'd never heard of him before and thought, 

 {hey, he might reveal a useful tip or two...}

 I didn't make it past the first question.

The interviewer asks: 

What do you say to the person who says, "I don't have time to go bargain hunting?

Clark Howard says:

I would say, 

"Are you occupying every hour of your day every day of the week?"  

If you look at time as productive hours, the hours we're awake, we're truly not productive all of them.  

There's downtime, there's leisure time...that's time that we can productively put to work saving money.

{um, are you for real?!?}

Listen, I am all for saving money.  

I am all for finding ways to incorporate bargain hunting strategies into my lifestyle.  

However, Howard's glib response to the valid feeling an average person has about life's time constraints leaves a great deal to be desired.  

His response is unbounded and out of balance.  

It is not reasonable for one to spend every awake minute accomplishing the essential tasks for daily living AND bargain hunting.  

Play is important.

Relationships are important.

Relaxation, recuperation, and recreation are important.

{Peanut gallery, any thoughts?}

a case against the (aging) man

www.smurf.com

Have you ever noticed that many popular cartoons cast an aging man as antagonist?

{kind of like feature-length Disney films cast witch-y women...}

When I started thinking about it this morning, I realized this has been the case for cartoons over a number of decades, not just the cartoons made since my kiddo has been watching television.  

Just off the top of my head I can think of:

The Smurfs

Dennis the Menace

Fairly Odd Parents

Sponge Bob Squarepants

Phineas and Ferb

Looney Tunes (think: Elmer Fudd)

This particular antagonist characterization serves well for plot advancement and humor, meeting general appeal across generations but I begin to wonder about the impact {if any} it has on our kiddos as cartoon consumption increases.  Consumption in overall screen time, as well as show quantity. 

Before the hyper-cable options, DVR, Netflix, DVD box sets, and streaming videos on the internet, we had to wait for weekly installments of our favorite shows and the number of overall choices was definitely more limited.  One might argue the former rate of exposure allowed for a more distinct line between real-life and fantasy.  I wonder, on the other hand, if increased screen time combined with the present ability to watch shows in a marathon fashion,  impacts a child's {or adult's, for that matter} ability to delineate between fact and fiction. 

I wonder if it impacts one's expectations for the people in their lives and the roles those people play?

I am sure numerous cartoons provide a counterpoint to my observation but this morning, as my kiddo watched Phineas and Ferb, I started thinking about the meta-message(s) hiding in the belly of this casting choice.  In a time when we are trying to encourage children to identify adults as allies, we have numerous media examples where adults, especially adult men, are not to be trusted.  

What do you think?