to wed or not to wed

"You know, Daphne, it would be so cool if you got ordained to officiate weddings..."

I have been thinking about this recommendation.

It has been suggested numerous times.

In some ways it makes a lot of sense since I already do the premarital counseling.

In some ways it is just one more thing.

I think it would be pretty fantastic to be able to officiate weddings.

{whether I did the premarital work with a couple or not}

But I also have this underlying thing about who "should" officiate weddings.

And I think about all of my friends who are ministers and weddings are one of the "things" they do.

And isn't marriage sacred?

But, would being ordained outside of a particular denomination allow me to officiate same-sex weddings?  Is it worth being someone who could officiate weddings, honoring the sacred, for persons who otherwise may have hang-ups about the religious overtones of marriage in a church?

The actual cost of license is not that much.

But is the benefit worth it?

the habit of making good friends

today i drove home after lunch with a friend and i thought to myself:

i hope i will always maintain the habit of making good friends 

&

i hope our kids will learn the habit of making good friends

&

i hope our kids will learn the skills of being a good friend

because 

good friends make the joys in life more joyful

&

the sad, dumpy parts of life more bearable

&

the ordinary-ness of life more extraordinary

today i drove home from lunch with a friend and i thought to myself:

i am so very thankful for good friends.

love: requited

Every year my heart gets a little green with envy when I hear how a friend's husband celebrates her birthday.  It is a whole week of birthday celebration with a pile of little wrapped gifts for her to open, special time with friends, and usually a delicious something-or-other prepared in her honor.

Every year I am excited for her.

And a little green.

Every year I wish that my husband whom I love, {a lot} didn't have such anxiety about gift giving. 

I wish he had more confidence about it. 

I wish he enjoyed celebrations.

{he honestly doesn't care if someone celebrates his birthday or his anniversary or holidays and does not care about receiving gifts}

I wish his way of expressing love went beyond:

 doing laundry, caring for children, cleaning toilets, grocery shopping, or making dinner.  

{acts I for which I hold genuine appreciation. but they are, for me, part of being partners & don't extend past the ordinary tasks of life}

I wish he didn't default into long-ass deliberations about purchasing things.  

{because I like receiving things...with spontaneity, accompanied by a birthday or not}

This difference between us has been the source of many hours of discussion {maybe tears were involved}

And played a supporting role in our almost-divorce many Christmases ago.

But this year, for my birthday, he made a plan.

He was secretive and thoughtful and anxious.

His plan did not work out exactly as he had conceived

{but} 

It included a week's worth of out-of-the-ordinary considerations, gifts, and deliciousness.

{and}

I felt loved and celebrated.

old-fashioned goodness

killer barbeque veal ribs and chicken

 

 

grill-steamed greens & sweet potatoes {w/ cumin, crushed pepper & lime}