the alpha wife

i am in a season of plotting and planning. 

this year will bring closure to some things {and} i have some decisions to make. 

the landscape of options is not what i thought it once was; 

things are a little more open, a little more exciting, a little more scary.

i was talking with a friend over the weekend about the breadth of this landscape and she kept asking after what my husband thought about all of it.  

he wants me to be happy

he is content for things to remain "as is" if that works for me but he will roll with change, as needed.

she pushed further, asking about his goals and his plans for the future and, reluctantly, i admitted, 

{we don't spend a lot of time talking about those}

which is not to say he has none

but

when i ask him for longer term goals, he routinely says:

Daph, you have ambition and drive for the both of us...and then some.

i returned home from my visit and after putting the kids to bed, we took up conversation over dinner and beer.  our conversation massaged many topics and eventually circled back to plotting and planning.

in a carry-over from the weekend, i felt a little self-conscious as we talked - worried that, in my ambition, i compromise his masculinity.  in being who i am, i overpower his ideas and desires for happiness.  

i expressed my worries and he replied:

Daphne, you are alpha. i am good with that - for you to be something else would be disingenuous.

i wanted to argue;

there are times i would like him to be more alpha in areas of our relationship. 

but to argue would kind of be for show because, i am alpha and i like it that way.

i regard my husband with great respect; my plotting generally takes his needs into consideration

 - annual goals for work, soccer, video games, proximity, & compulsions - 

we are egalitarian in how we manage our household and children but in all of it {to put a fine point on it}

i am alpha and he is beta. 

we started that way 15 years ago & it is how we work best. 

reality, however, is no match for my self-conscious ambition.

knowing my worries were not totally assuaged, he leaned into me before i fell asleep to say:

alpha wife, i am happy with you.