i love you for...13 years & counting!

"Are you sure you want to go barefoot?" she asked after hemming my wedding dress, glancing with concern at my calloused feet and unpolished toes.

I am sure she meant well but I felt defensive and said "absolutely, who is going to care!?!" more loudly than I should.

She caught the scent of my defensiveness and conceded, "that sounds lovely" as she tidied up the dressing room space.

I went home that night, tried my dress on again, and crumpled to the floor in tears.

I didn't feel beautiful.

I didn't feel like a princess.

I didn't feel like the books and magazines and friends said I should feel.

Everything felt so fine until I started talking with other people and then I measured all the ways in which I was doing this whole wedding thing "wrong."

This year, as I work with couples planning weddings or talk with friends, I have considered if, knowing then what I know now:  

Would I have done anything differently?

In general, I believe my answer is NO.

I loved being barefoot {it is how I roll}

I loved getting married outside, with the sunset as a backdrop

I loved having a BBQ reception before the ceremony and sparklers to end the festivities.

I loved not renting tuxes or spending lots of money on bridesmaids dresses

I loved having breakfast with a good friend that morning and then 

spending the moments after the rain {but before the party} with my sisters at the rocky beach nearby.

I loved sitting in my beloved's lap on the deck, drinking champagne and recounting the day while rain started falling and lightening flashed across the lake.

I feel as though we were fairly genuine and authentic in our presentation of selves that day.
It was a good day - a good celebration.

Photograph by Jodi Rheinheimer & Kathy Miedema

 Of course,
A part of me wishes we'd had digital photography but the photos are so candid and true to our day that it hardly feels like it matters that we don't have "artistic" and professional wedding photos.

I wish we wouldn't have given in to the hyperbolic language of our wedding era for the message we wrote to our friends and family on the bulletin but, at the same time, I am a little hyperbolic when it comes to feelings so...there's that.
And anyways, the wedding is just the wedding, right?
What about the marriage?

As we celebrate thirteen years, I am thankful we are still together.

I am thankful we continue to grow in our relationship.

We have run into some really hard times and continue to seek one another for comfort and challenge.

The content of our fights are nearly the same now as they were then {how reassuring...and depressing} but we have established different {better?} ways of engaging with each other in these moments so they don't feel so disasterous.   

I am thankful to have a friend- a partner - a lover - onto whose lap I can still climb, drink champagne {or  another beverage of choice}, and recount the day.

Photograph by Margaret Claire

Happy Anniversary, love!

You remain my favorite.

Always,

d