it's my party and i'll poop when i want to

Our youngest makes his own decisions.

About everything.

He has his own vision, his own way, and his own timing.

It is who he is and who he has been since the moment he was born.

We were excited two summers ago when, at 2.5 years old,  he initiated toilet training.
Our oldest was toilet trained with no trouble in a weekend at age 3. 
We were feeling pretty good about our kids' toileting proficiencies.

And this time 'round, our youngest was so good about it...until he wasn't.

Once he turned 3, he still wanted to wear the underwear but didn't want to use the toilet so we did a lot of laundry and transitioned to pull-ups at night.  "It's is a season," {I thought} "he'll get there..."

 We remained hopeful he'd be trained by the next summer...
but he wasn't having it.

For nearly a year we tried:

{Reminders & Timers}

"Oops, I have accident already.  It's just a little poop though"  

As if there is ever such a thing as "a little poop"

{Rewards}

"Um, I don't want a treat"

{Consequences}

"I'll help you...I love doing laundry...!" or

"Look at me! I am rinsing my underwear all by myself!"

{Autonomy & Privacy}

This never turned out well. Ever.

{Social Shame: All your friends are moving up to the big room and you'll be left out..}

 "That's okay, I'll make new friends..."

Confounding!

So earlier this month {1.5 years after starting the potty training process, mind you}, we went hard core: 

We took away all of his joy {no treats, no shows, no snuggles, no toys, no nothing} unless he pooped in the potty.  

It was a tough few days that violated every part of my empowering therapist/parent self-image.

But it was time.

And his poop has now made it into the toilet for 24 days...in a row!

-----

But he makes his own decisions. 

About everything.

And lest we forget who is in control of his process:

 just this morning, he stood from his play to tell me he had to go poop {with hand pressed to butthole} and turned to face me with a coy pause as I encouraged him to make his way to the bathroom:

"Mommy, I have to think about it first..."